Tuesday, February 2, 2010

groundhog day!

Now that I’m back to the 2 hours of commuting gig, I’ve started writing in my head. I drive, and listen to music super loud, and write. Sometimes I think I may even say my words out loud. At least I’m writing, but it’s frustrating because much of the product is often lost along my travels, and when I go to actually write it, it never seems to come out quite the same way. I’ve even been tempted to get it down in Word on my BlackBerry, but seeing that I’m operating a moving vehicle, that may not be the best idea. With this dilemma, I’ve noticed that writing in my head doesn’t provide the mind-clearing effect that putting in down in ink does, ironically enough. So, to make up for my lack of documented writing and to clear some of this clutter out of my brain, I’m going to create a collection of my thoughts, just to get them down.

There’s nothing like coming home to a newly stocked smorgasbord of a kitchen after a long day otherwise lacking much sustenance!

In a recent heart to heart, a good friend and person I truly admire pointed out to me the naivety of fighting to save something that can’t be saved; of feeling the need to hold so tightly onto something that very well may be long gone. I had never really thought about it that way, but it’s so true. Understanding that life can get tough, but it’s short, and it’s sweet, and it goes on is most certainly a marker of maturity. What ever that something may be, it’s the memory of what it used to be that you miss, not what it has become. So why do we, or more specifically I, do it? I came to two conclusions. For one thing, it allows us to feel something. You hold on, and it’s so dramatic, and a seemingly permanent pit forms in your stomach, right above your aching heart. But with time, the pit slowly fades away, and you remember what it feels like to be normal again. And you appreciate how wonderful it is to be happy. The intensity of emotions is almost refreshing. And then there’s the impression that as doomed as that something may be, it’s better than nothing. How can you let go when you have nothing else to grab on to?

I’m ready to fall in love with Europe! I haven’t been this excited for something in a long, long time, and I certainly needed it. I just can't stop thinking about how amazing it's going to be. I may never come back!

I also needed a confidence booster, which I got from reading my student evaluations from last semester. It’s bizarre how my students and I could have two completely different takes on my performance, but I’m pleasantly surprised to say the least. I was most pleased with the comments that said I was fair, good at explaining things, helpful and well-prepared, and that they learned things that they will actually use. Bravo-here's to another successful semester..so far!

To Be Continued…

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