Saturday, February 20, 2010

It's Saturday, the whole day long!

Nicola 10:31am: update ur stupid blog
Nicola 10:33am: right nowwwww

Wow, didn't know this thing was in such high demand! Kind of like the Twilight series: People want to read it, but it doesn't have much substance. Ah, well, gotta please the people!

Today I have an entire Saturday off, and there's nothing I love more than propping up the pillows, sitting in bed, and writing on a Saturday morning. It just feels so pressure free! I like it a lot. Tonight I'm going to Boston for my friend Krissy's 23rd birthday. I can't wait til my 23rd birthday. I love the sound of 23. It sounds grown up, a lot more so than 22.

So, in attempt to better use the otherwise wasted two hours I spend commuting to and from work, I started listening to talk radio. Sometimes NPR, sometimes PRI's The World. It's definitely helped me feel like a more responsible adult, and I've already learned a lot. But it's also begun to make me feel even more and more cynical. Ignorance truly is bliss; it's such a burden to know better. That must sound pretty awful coming from a future journalist, but hey, I can't lie. This world scares me. I hate feeling like I have little control, and that's how I often feel when I look at the bigger picture of things. So many I just won't look.

On a lighter note, my friend Tyler suggest I take an online test based on the Jung - Myers-Briggs personality approach. The results were so accurate! I'm an ENFJ, like Oprah. Here's a bit of the description:

ENFJs are idealist organizers, driven to implement their vision of what is best for humanity. They often act as catalysts for human growth because of their ability to see potential in other people and their charisma in persuading others to their ideas. Talkative and expressive, ENFJs are adept communicators and are motivated to understand and please other people. They enjoy talking about relationships and sharing their insights about people, their emotions, and their motivations. ENFJs like to be liked and are very sensitive to feedback, both positive and negative; they take criticism quite personally. They expect the best not just from themselves, but from others as well, and tend to idealize relationships. ENFJs often play host or hostess, energetically engaging everyone in the group and making sure that a good time is had by all. They are very responsive to the emotional state of others; while their empathy is often an asset, engaging with others can also become overwhelming for the ENFJ. More than other Extroverted types, they need time alone, away from the demands of serving and caring for others.

It also says the number one career choice for ENFJ type is journalist, they deal with stress by exercising, and have little trouble in school. Sounds like me, I think!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I ache to remember all the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said

A small passage from the piece I'm working on. Feedback is much appreciated!

The halls were constantly buzzing, coating the deeply rooted pessimism with a liveliness that helped me forget, and hospital staff made their way in and out of our room at all hours. I knew much of it was a mindless routine, the steady indifference broken only by a high systolic number or a stubborn vein, but it made me feel significant knowing all these strangers cared whether or not I lived, even if it was their job. Sometimes they collected blood, other times they recorded the figures that flashed on the monitors, or “just popped in to check up.” Without having to say a word, their uniform told me what they had come for. Looking more like businessmen in their button-down collared shirts and ties, the doctors almost always had glasses on, but not much of an objective. Whenever they came around, I had to suppress the urge to ask them why they even bothered. On the other hand, the phlebotomists, dressed in long white lab coats and blue latex gloves, had only one intention. They move the fastest, judged the least. I secretly wished the blood would seize to flow so that I could see them, syringe in hand, finally faced with failure. The ones who visited the most were dressed in matching sets of cotton-candy pink, Betty Boop print, mellow yellow. They wore sweet aromas, wedding rings, warm smiles that mismatched their black-rimmed eyes.

Saturday, February 13, 2010


Love these lyrics from Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should have known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I know it doesn't count as writing when it's another's words, but hey, it's something.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Whoever thought I'd love Mondays?

Today, on my only day off this week, I potentially saved a life.

After stopping at CVS, I was attempting to make my way out of the parking lot. When I got to the exit there was already a small truck sitting there, like he was waiting for a chance to go, but there were no cars coming. Being the irrationally inpatient female that I am, I honked a few times, but still nothing. So, the road rage/instincts in me kicked in, and I pulled up next to the truck in the entrance side. The driver, an older man, was slumped over with his head on the steering wheel. After taking a moment to comprehend, I got out, screamed and flailed my arms, opened his door, and tried to lean over him to put his little truck in park. Except he decided to move his foot a smidgen, causing the truck to roll for a moment, causing me to freak out, but I got it in park. He was breathing and seemed to be waking up when the police arrived. I left right away, which is kind of weird to me now. I didn't even stay to find out what was wrong with him or if he was okay. Sometimes I react to things in odd ways.

With that, a much needed oil change, and an even more needed workout, I'd say I had a rather productive day.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

groundhog day!

Now that I’m back to the 2 hours of commuting gig, I’ve started writing in my head. I drive, and listen to music super loud, and write. Sometimes I think I may even say my words out loud. At least I’m writing, but it’s frustrating because much of the product is often lost along my travels, and when I go to actually write it, it never seems to come out quite the same way. I’ve even been tempted to get it down in Word on my BlackBerry, but seeing that I’m operating a moving vehicle, that may not be the best idea. With this dilemma, I’ve noticed that writing in my head doesn’t provide the mind-clearing effect that putting in down in ink does, ironically enough. So, to make up for my lack of documented writing and to clear some of this clutter out of my brain, I’m going to create a collection of my thoughts, just to get them down.

There’s nothing like coming home to a newly stocked smorgasbord of a kitchen after a long day otherwise lacking much sustenance!

In a recent heart to heart, a good friend and person I truly admire pointed out to me the naivety of fighting to save something that can’t be saved; of feeling the need to hold so tightly onto something that very well may be long gone. I had never really thought about it that way, but it’s so true. Understanding that life can get tough, but it’s short, and it’s sweet, and it goes on is most certainly a marker of maturity. What ever that something may be, it’s the memory of what it used to be that you miss, not what it has become. So why do we, or more specifically I, do it? I came to two conclusions. For one thing, it allows us to feel something. You hold on, and it’s so dramatic, and a seemingly permanent pit forms in your stomach, right above your aching heart. But with time, the pit slowly fades away, and you remember what it feels like to be normal again. And you appreciate how wonderful it is to be happy. The intensity of emotions is almost refreshing. And then there’s the impression that as doomed as that something may be, it’s better than nothing. How can you let go when you have nothing else to grab on to?

I’m ready to fall in love with Europe! I haven’t been this excited for something in a long, long time, and I certainly needed it. I just can't stop thinking about how amazing it's going to be. I may never come back!

I also needed a confidence booster, which I got from reading my student evaluations from last semester. It’s bizarre how my students and I could have two completely different takes on my performance, but I’m pleasantly surprised to say the least. I was most pleased with the comments that said I was fair, good at explaining things, helpful and well-prepared, and that they learned things that they will actually use. Bravo-here's to another successful far!

To Be Continued…