Friday, November 6, 2009

It's Friday, and I'm in love

Here I am, as promised! I figured I'd begin my morning (at 9:30, surprisingly late!) with a nice, little entry to get the blood flowin'.

This weekend has been such a treat so far. Well first off, it's already the weekend for me! No T.A. meeting or work tonight...I'm so pumped! Danielle dyed my hair last night and Kim massaged my feet with some amazing sea salt scrub, and all for some help on a resume! I also joined Anytime Fitness yesterday. 24-hour gym, all brand new equipment, TVs on each of the cardio machines, pilates, yoga, and zumba classes daily, and all for just $29 a month! It really pays off have parents in the public safety business.

So now I feel rejuvenated and ready to take on the World! The World being Foxboro, that is. Tonight Kim and I are going out at Patriot Place. I'm really excited. I need to get out, and by out I mean somewhere not so local. As for the rest of the weekend, I'm working a double on Saturday, and celebrating my niece Natalie's birthday on Sunday in Barrington, RI.

So, get ready for it, 'cause here comes the bitching. I'm somewhat aggravated that this is already turning into a journal. That's not what I intended for it to be. I have things I want to get off my chest and write about, but I don't think I'm ready. Not here, at least. You see, I'm a very impulsive person, and I almost always let my emotions get the best of me. When that happens, things don't come out right. Sometimes, it's not even that they aren't said right. It's that I don't really mean them. The worst part is that I know I don't mean them. I say them because I'm awful at keeping my emotions bottled up, even when they're unreasonable, first-reaction, overly-passionate emotions. I guess I didn't get the superlative "Drama Queen" in high school for nothing. Looks like I've found my long overdue New Year's resolution!

Therefore, until January 1st, I think I'd be better off using this spot to reflect on things in retrospect, rather than to shift through them in the heat of the moment. So, for now, until I have a healthier outlook on the whole situation (yes, there's a situation), my thoughts will have to remain surface level. If that makes this a journal, then so be it. Writing is writing is writing. I gotta give myself credit for that.

Actually, that leads me to something I'd like to write about further, maybe at a later (soon later) time: giving myself credit. Somehow I find myself giving credit when credit is due to everyone around me, except for myself. To make it even worse, my "credit is due" standard for myself is much higher than for anyone else. What it comes down to is that I need to stop being so hard on myself, but I'm not really sure how to do that. Hmph.

Well, now that I started my day off with some me-writing, it's time for some Stan-and-Jerry-writing. I'll be keeping the fallen and wounded American Soldiers of Fort Hood in my thoughts and prayers today..which leads me to another future discussion: why the World is so screwed up these days..not that I have an explanation, but a possibly theory.

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity."

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