Monday, September 7, 2009

just another manic Monday

Labor Day - After a stressful first week of teaching and a long, exhausting weekend at Chili's, I finally have a day that's labor free. Well, not completely. Can't forget those lesson plans! Honestly, if I could I'd write a script for class so that I'd never be at a loss for words, but that's clearly unrealistic and robot-ish. I guess being a bit over-prepared with 15 sample job ads will just have to do.

I know that with each class it will get easier being up there and lecturing, but I still get so nervous and worked up just with the thought of it. I'm not a shy person by any means, and in most situations, I'm great at playing the confident card, but for some reason, in this particular situation, I simply don't feel good enough. I try to remind myself that if the University didn't believe that I possess the intelligence, capability and talent necessary to be doing what I'm doing then I wouldn't be, yet I still get discouraged. Not to mention, I haven't even started my classes yet. I don't know what in the world to expect from them, considering most of the time I forget that I'm a student more importantly than an instructor.

All-in-all, it's going to be quite the busy, intense semester. I need this, though. I need a good challenge to overcome. I remember I felt the exact same way as I do now when I started my internship at The Sun Chronicle a few summers back. Then, as time went on, and I had more and more stories published, I began to feel so accomplished and the self-doubt slowly disappeared as the confidence built. What an amazing feeling--the moment it occurs to you that apart from your initial fears and insecurities, you've made it; And looking back, it seems so silly that you ever questioned your ability in the first place, and you acknowledge that you truly can achieve greatness. It may take the whole semester..but I'll get there! Now for a run..running cures all.

"It matters not how many times you fall down. What matters is how many times you rise. Mistakes build character, and character takes you places money can't."

Sunday, September 6, 2009

delicious ambiguity

After what feels like an eternity of avoiding it, I've finally succumb to blogging. Anything that gets me to actually write something must be a great thing, right? I have to remind everyone (including myself) that I'm no Perez Hilton though, so don't expect anything too exciting from me. Besides, I'm content with my little life, and hopefully you will be too.

Change. That basically sums my life up right now. In the past 4 months, I've graduated from college, learned
to be on my own again (I'm starting to, at least), lost my only living grandparent, started grad school and a teaching fellowship, said "bon voyage" to my now abroad, good friend, Sarah, and realized a lot, good and bad, about myself. I've never been a big fan of change, at all, but I would be foolish if I didn't appreciate the direction in which my life is moving. It's just scary, I suppose, and very, very different. On the other hand, there's something so charming about the ambiguity of new beginnings.

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."